Extremely Invasive Questions - My Answers

A: Are you a virgin?

Yes. I want to wait until I find someone I care about and trust completely; I’m not going to have sex for the sake of having sex.

I’m one of those old-timey, old-fashioned, weirdos who actually cares about intimacy and the value of a relationship.

B: 3 biggest pet peeves:

• Men who spit.

• Ignorant, bigoted, racist, assholes.

• Miley Cyrus

C: Celebrity crush?

Seth MacFarlane.

But please don’t tell him. I will be working with him sometime in the future. #optimism

D: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

The election of George Fucking Fucktarded W. Bush

E: Do you smoke?

I do not. Asthma. Though I’ve heard that pot doesn’t affect it.

F: Do you drink?

Not yet. Not quite of age. (By a YEAR!)

G: If you had to rank yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you be?

As a person? 7. I think I’m a decent human being; I’ve never killed anyone and I care about animals.

I’m just as flawed and as fucked up as the next guy, but overall a good person. I’ve said some shit though, so I’m not quiiite an 8. 7 1/2.

H: Longest relationship and with who?

1st grade. Joey. I think he might’ve been gay, though. We bonded over the Spice Girls. He knew all the words to “Wannabe”.

I: 5 turn ons:

Remember, I’m virginal and innocent. (Ha!)

• SMILE AT ME

• MAKE ME LAUGH

• Play with my hair

• A mixture of sweetness and sarcasm.

• Intelligence goes a very long way. Smart is sexy.

J: 5 turn offs:

• General douchebaggary.

• A holier-than-thou attitude; you’re not the only person on the planet, asshole. Neither are you the best.

Stop referring to yourself as “God”, you self-centered, curly-haired, ugly, ill-fitted gym short wearing, opera singing DOUCHE.

• That hand under the chin thing you guys think is funny/hot when you take a self-portrait; same goes for shirtless photos.

• I have a raunchy sense of humor, but I’m still a lady. For the love of CHRIST, do NOT talk about who you want to “fuck”. Have some class. Respect me, and my femininity.(same curly-haired asshat.)

• My name is Claireese. Don’t call me “baby” or “girl”.

• Pull up your goddamn pants, and straighten your baseball cap if you absolutely insist on wearing one.

( I know that was six, but I had to throw in the pants thing. You guys know that that means you’re down for a butt-fuck in prison, right?)

K: What’s the biggest lie you have ever told?

"I’m sorry."

Or

"Yes, you look nice in that picture"

Or

"I like the way you did your makeup. You don’t look pancakey or anemic at all."

L: Would you ever date someone of another race?

Of course.

M: What is your sexual orientation?

Curious.

N: Top 5 traits you look for in a person that you want to have a relationship with:

• Kindness

• Sarcastic, silly sense of humor

• Kind and loving of animals

• Intelligence

• “Down to earth”; enjoys the simple things in life; has a blast just hanging out, or watching t.v. (cartoon loving is a must.)

O: Who are you crushing on right now?

No one. Dudes my age are dumb and annoying.

P: Who is your bestfriend?

Let’s go with a safe answer: my mom.

Q: Your guilty pleasure?

"Dancing With People Who Used To Be Considered ‘Stars’"

S: Do looks matter to you?

Well, physical attraction is initially what draws you to someone; but what counts and ultimately what MATTERS in the end is all in the personality and in the heart & soul of a person.

T: What kind of underwear are you wearing?

"Boy shorts"

U: How big is your penis or for a girl, how big are your boobs?

DD. No foolin’. (See my: “Big. Sweaty. Boobs.” blog entry.)

W: Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Depends on who’s doin’ the playing.

Y: Do you name your private parts?

My downstairs is named “Cherry Darling” after Rose McGowan’s character in “Planet Terror”

Z: Do you pee in the shower?

Only if I’m reeeeaally reeeaally tired.

[EDIT: Decided to repost this as my own, as there were waay too many replies to the original. So, please to enjoying my embarrassingly brutal honesty.)